Well almost everything anyway… When I encountered my problems a few days ago, it was really distressing. While you are in the middle of the freeway and your car is giving you problems, it can really induce panic and hyperventilation. Yet, after the initial heart racing moments, I was able to compose myself, take a deep breath and say, “My family is relatively healthy and I have a good job, with good bosses and a wonderful team around me. There is going to be food on the table for my family and a roof over our heads, and once I get this car fixed, I can still get from A to B, even perhaps, C or D. So, why fret?” (By the way, I said then that the day before, which is the day after that horrendous car breakdown experience, would be a better day. In fact, in turned out that way! I closed one of the larger deals of the year that day! So, attitude can be everything!)

But, I must say, I wasn’t this way before. There was a time I would ask a million and a half questions. Why me? What the heck? Why now? Why do I have to have problems like this? Why can’t I have a better car?

While asking this questions I would be spiralling downwards in my emotions and will set me down a pathway of self-destruction, depression and self-defeating introspection. So, have I recovered from my clinical depression? Read the rest of this entry »

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Technorati Tags: attitude, rejoice, joy, depression, Brennan Manning

I have only one brother. No sisters. We were very close growing up. He was about five years older. We used to play football daily (or soccer as most of you calls it) as little kids. When I was about five, some other kid in the playground made fun of me, and my brother beat him up. I looked up to the guy. Growing up, he was my hero.

Mom used to introduce her two sons to everyone: “One is a genius and the other one just tries very hard.” And, to me, she often says, “You can’t do anything, and whenever you try you just make things worse!” I never took that as Mom being mean. It was just her way of encouraging me to try harder. I think Mom just wanted to make sure that I continue trying hard and not give up. In any case, she often describes my brother as the smarter of her two sons, but she also often says of him that he is lazy. Read the rest of this entry »

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Technorati Tags: life journey, brother, drug addiction

“Go home! Get out of here! Haven’t you heard? Run! They are killing you people over there!”

I panicked. Stunned! Terrified! I turned and ran as fast as my short legs could carry me. When I arrived home, I found that my father’s shop had already closed. I ran through the doors, slamming them shut and fastening the wooden clasps of the doors firmly. Then I ran upstairs to my parents.

In those days, home for me was a shophouse in a small Malaysian town. Shophouses were designed with a shopfront and living quarters at the back. Sometimes they also have an upper level with bed and living rooms. Ours was such a design. Our family of four lived above the shophouse in three large bedrooms and very spacious living areas. At the back of the shop, on the ground floor, was our kitchen and dining room. In the small backyard my father has built a couple of artificial ponds where he kept some gold and other tropical fish. In the corner of the backyard were steps leading up to a “out-house” toilet. We still had the “bucket” system then, and each night so-called “night soil collectors” would come round to collect the buckets of waste. I always wondered where they dispose of the waste. Read the rest of this entry »

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I received an email from a friend today. She is slowly losing her father to cancer and she is feeling exhausted from the pain and anguish of the suffering and impending loss. Her email reminded me of my own experiences with the loss of my own mom. My mom’s death devastated me, and left a mark in my psyche for a long time. In fact, as I re-read my earlier post, “Why did God let Mom die?” I bawled my eyes out again. I was surprised that the emotional onslaught was just as unrelenting and the pain of the memories was just as acute. I thought I had been healed from the trauma of the experience, but I guess one never really gets healed from such painful loss.

As my friend, a social scientist herself, walks through this dark and lonely valley of loss and losing, she finds herself questioning not just the incomprehensibility of the entire experience, but also the very fabric of the world we live in. She writes:

Going through such painful experiences made me question even more about the world we are living in. With all the social problems around us getting worse by the day, someone wrote to our local newspapers and said that social scientists, especially sociologists, have to do more work to make the world a better place. We, social scientists, have already voiced out what is wrong with the world, but is society willing to take up the challenge and follow our suggestions. For a start, materialism, selfishness and self-centeredness are the major factors contributing to most crimes and deviant behaviour. Are corrupted politicians willing to turn a new leaf? Are some professionals and businesses willing to charge with their conscience instead of thinking of making large profits all the time?

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I live in a household of three teenagers, two of whom are growing young ladies, and along with my wife, of course, go through that “time of the month” which sends their moods into wild swings. With hormones raging, mood swings and the usual hustle bustle of a busy household, often we tend to get in each other’s ways. That means we have to learn how to hold the peace. That’s right. I mean “hold the peace” which also involves “holding our peace” sometimes. By “holding the peace” I mean being in a position to maintain sanity and peace when the situation can easily erupt in cantankerous confusion with much ugly yelling, screaming and name calling.

Today was one of those days. It has been brewing for a little while. It actually began a few nights ago when two of my teenagers were in disagreement. When they were younger, I used to have this urgent need to step in right away and end all fights. Often my ending the fight did not resolve any underlying issues. However, it did get rid of the temporary problem. However, I have learned that this is not the wisest way to deal with the problem.

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On Saturday evening, I attended a celebration service at my church. One of the church’s traditions is to gather together recount God’s faithfulness through the year and prepare for the next. There is a sense of expectation as well as of praise. As part of the praise and recounting of God’s faithfulness, the pastor would call upon members of the congregation to take the floor and spontaneously share their stories. Different people would share their stories, how God has led them to the community and what the community has meant to them and their families. There are stories of transformation, of reconciliation, of God working in people’s lives, often in radical ways. In the end, it is always about God showing up unexpectantly in and through the lives of people and transforming the lives and faith of people.

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In previous posts, I have reflected on the real purpose of prayer, and have asked about the efficacy of prayer when we are deeply enmeshed in our circumstances, as well as wondered about the propriety of asking God, through prayer, to intervene in our daily lives. Over the years, I have come to realize that prayer engages the heart, soul and mind more than it does things around us. While we often like to ask God to remove situations from us, or remove us from situations, God is more interested in dealing with the “us” or the individuals who are going through the situations, the growth of that person and how that person is relating to Him.

Of all the reasons why we engage in prayer and why prayer is important to those of us who follow Christ, one of the most powerfully blessed reasons is what I like to call the fellowship of prayer. It is the bond that is created when you pray for someone and that person senses the support and sustenance that comes from not only the uplifting of the Holy Spirit but also the fellowship of having been engaged in that prayer with you.

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I opened my big fat mouth! I told my boss I blog! Interestingly, this boss of mine has become a good friend in just a matter of about three months. In my previous job, my boss was really from the other side of town if you know what I mean. Those that have followed a little of my story in the past several months might have a clue. Let’s just say that the difference between my current boss and my previous boss is like the difference between heavenly bliss and hellish terror!

Still, that doesn’t excuse me from my blabbermouth. I haven’t really blogged about my work lately as things at work have really normalized. This job is really something that is nearly picture perfect although not without its usual challenges and it still has quite a few things about the company and my team mates that I have to learn to get used to.

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