I have only one brother. No sisters. We were very close growing up. He was about five years older. We used to play football daily (or soccer as most of you calls it) as little kids. When I was about five, some other kid in the playground made fun of me, and my brother beat him up. I looked up to the guy. Growing up, he was my hero.

Mom used to introduce her two sons to everyone: “One is a genius and the other one just tries very hard.” And, to me, she often says, “You can’t do anything, and whenever you try you just make things worse!” I never took that as Mom being mean. It was just her way of encouraging me to try harder. I think Mom just wanted to make sure that I continue trying hard and not give up. In any case, she often describes my brother as the smarter of her two sons, but she also often says of him that he is lazy. Read the rest of this entry »

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Technorati Tags: life journey, brother, drug addiction

Yesterday, my family was enjoying a nice meal of dim sum (or yum cha which is what Aussies call them, from the Cantonese phrase which literally means “tea drinking,” a reference to the aromatic teas that accompany the dishes of delicacies served during such meals) at one of the many Southern Californian restaurants that serve up this ubiquitous sumptuous fare. This was the first time we went to this particular restuarant and the quality of the food was really quite good, and we were also rather hungry to begin with so we tucked into the delicious steaming dishes without much conversation initially.

When most of us have had our fill, the conversation started up, and halfway through it, one of my teens started talking about an exercise that he suggested my wife ought to practice. He described it in detail and as soon as he started I recognized that to be the Kegel PC muscles toning exercise. The thing is, my son, a high school freshman, was attempting to teach his mother how to do it! I found that Read the rest of this entry »

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Technorati Tags: teenagers, conversations, dimsum, family, sex, talks, listening, question-asking

A while ago, at a gathering of parents of teens at my church, we were talking about how to relate to our teens. Someone shared that as parents we need to talk to our kids about what is right and even if they don’t appear to be listening, what we tell them today will come back to them.

Someone mentioned that even though they are now grown up and have left home for many years, that their mother still talked to them as if they were still at home and a teenager! Everyone nodded and laughed in agreement.

I interjected wryly, “Yep! Don’t I know it! My mother too still talks to me … and she died more than seven years ago!” Read the rest of this entry »

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One of my answers to questions from commenters responding to my Questions post sparked this post at Cat’s Living with Multiple Personalities. Reading her post and her commenter’s response (at the time of this writing there were only one comment so far), sparked another series of thoughts.

If I do not wish to change anything in my life, it is because I am confident that who I am today is not just a result of all that has happened in the past, and all the choices I have made, but also how I live today in response to those choices and circumstances. Part of that has to do with living consciously with the choices I do make today, and the relationships that I have today. For me, that also means connecting with God, with loved ones and with others around me in a way that positively enriches lives all around.

That sparked further thoughts about the lives of my growing children and my role as a parent. Read the rest of this entry »

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Churchgoing is probably a common practice for many in Western societies, although apparently this is becoming less popular these days, even among committed followers of Christ. Recently, I read about someone who professes to be atheist yet admits to guilt feelings for sleeping in on Sundays and skipping church. He attributed this to the way he was brought up. As a young person, I remember that missing church services used to be a point of much consternation for some of us. One gimmick some of my friends and I used when we missed Sunday services to assuage the guilt feelings for having missed church was to casually say to a friend when we see them the following week, “Oh, I didn’t see you in church last Sunday!” as a way to distract from the fact that we were the ones who had missed church instead of the other party! What you might call a pre-emptive ambush of sorts!

In any case, for those of us who call ourselves Christians and have been going to church “all our lives” why do we do it? Do we go to church because we want to go, Read the rest of this entry »

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The Lunar New Year 4704 according to the Chinese calendar is around the corner. While many of you are all busy breaking your annual resolutions, Chinese families the world over are busy preparing for the Spring Festival (that’s the character for Spring you see on the right), as it is also known. Houses are cleaned, cakes and candies are baked or prepared, debts are cleared (although in this day and age, this might not be practical or possible, but people still try), new clothes are bought and generally, the anticipation of celebration, good food and drinks and family and friends get-togethers are high.

This is the year of the Dog, the Fire Dog to be exact. The Chinese Lunar calendar is named after animals on a twelve year cycle. The cycle starts with the Rat, followed by the Ox, the Tiger, the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake, the Horse, the Sheep, the Monkey, the Rooster, the Dog and the Pig. The twelve-year cycle is further modified by the five elements: Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water, making the complete cycle of sixty years. More information can be found here. Read the rest of this entry »

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I live in a household of three teenagers, two of whom are growing young ladies, and along with my wife, of course, go through that “time of the month” which sends their moods into wild swings. With hormones raging, mood swings and the usual hustle bustle of a busy household, often we tend to get in each other’s ways. That means we have to learn how to hold the peace. That’s right. I mean “hold the peace” which also involves “holding our peace” sometimes. By “holding the peace” I mean being in a position to maintain sanity and peace when the situation can easily erupt in cantankerous confusion with much ugly yelling, screaming and name calling.

Today was one of those days. It has been brewing for a little while. It actually began a few nights ago when two of my teenagers were in disagreement. When they were younger, I used to have this urgent need to step in right away and end all fights. Often my ending the fight did not resolve any underlying issues. However, it did get rid of the temporary problem. However, I have learned that this is not the wisest way to deal with the problem.

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After returning from my memorable weekend away with my wife, we took our kids and one of our kids’ friend who was visiting with us out to have a nice family dinner at the Elephant Bar, a reasonably priced eating joint with a fusionesque cuisine, probably a quaint Californian phenomenon.

We were celebrating at several levels - a family reunion of sorts - since mom and dad have just returned home from a weekend away, the fact that my wife and I are in a sort of relationship bliss and mostly because Daughter #1 will be flying away to school to New York in a couple of weeks. As I mentioned before, my daughter is transferring to the Gallatin School of Individualized Studies at NYU after completing two years at the local community college.

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