Recently, I came across Parableman Jeremy Pierce’s short post on joy - a quality usually associated with expressions of happiness and pleasure. But, Jeremy pointed out, it need not be that or else we won’t have joy while we go through some decidedly unpleasant experiences.

As a person who have sunk deep into depression, yet who was quietly confident in God’s providence and His sovereignty over our experiences, I resonate very much to the idea. (For a while back then I used to tell people that I felt like I was hanging from a clifftop by my finger nails, but at the same time I also had the quiet confidence that underneath me were God’s everlasting arms.) Being depressed on the surface, seems contradictory to the concept of having “joy in the Spirit”. When I was “down in the dumps”, I would recall such Biblical passages as Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” During those times, I would embrace my situation, my emotions, and my relationship with God. I would sigh and groan in prayers, and would take on the attitude of waiting on God. Also I am often reminded that Paul speaks about joy in the context of his own suffering. For example, we read of him and Silas singing hymns to God in the dank, damp, darkness and discomfort of the dungeon-jail at Philippi. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 26% [?]

Technorati Tags: joy, depression, happiness, sadness

Well almost everything anyway… When I encountered my problems a few days ago, it was really distressing. While you are in the middle of the freeway and your car is giving you problems, it can really induce panic and hyperventilation. Yet, after the initial heart racing moments, I was able to compose myself, take a deep breath and say, “My family is relatively healthy and I have a good job, with good bosses and a wonderful team around me. There is going to be food on the table for my family and a roof over our heads, and once I get this car fixed, I can still get from A to B, even perhaps, C or D. So, why fret?” (By the way, I said then that the day before, which is the day after that horrendous car breakdown experience, would be a better day. In fact, in turned out that way! I closed one of the larger deals of the year that day! So, attitude can be everything!)

But, I must say, I wasn’t this way before. There was a time I would ask a million and a half questions. Why me? What the heck? Why now? Why do I have to have problems like this? Why can’t I have a better car?

While asking this questions I would be spiralling downwards in my emotions and will set me down a pathway of self-destruction, depression and self-defeating introspection. So, have I recovered from my clinical depression? Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 2% [?]

Technorati Tags: attitude, rejoice, joy, depression, Brennan Manning

Initially when I wrote my earlier piece, I was thinking about my ability to express certain kinds of emotion. I was thinking that I used to cry a lot at one time in my life, and then I went through a long period when I apparently lost the ability to cry. It was so bad that there was a time when bad things were happening around me, for example, the death of my mom, when I lost the ability to cry. Then, apparently, years later, I seemed to regain this ability to shed tears again.

Reflecting further on the post and also the comments from my readers have helped me think through a little more about the issue. I now realize that my expressions of sorrow during that time were mostly triggered by other people’s suffering. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 3% [?]

Technorati Tags: crying, emotions, depression, spiritual healing, tears

NOTE: Part of this post began as a comment to a post at Living With Multiple Personalities. It triggered off other thoughts that I decided to put up a post in response to it.

One of the ugliest symptoms of my depression is anger. Although, I am recovering from my depression, I still get stricken by disproportionate anger flare-ups occasionally. I also used to get so insanely angry at seemingly minor irritations that my outbursts were both irrational and uncontrollable. The problem was that such fits occured very rarely but when they do, it was always when I was around the people who I deemed safe for me to reveal the “real” me: that is, the people who are the closest and dearest to me, my family.

But this is really crazy. You see Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 2% [?]

Technorati Tags: anger, depression

This is the question someone asked recently in a search that brought them to this site via my post on depression and spiritual healing. That started me wondering. Why is this term used? Apparently, the term spiritual depression is used to distinguish it from other forms of depression. But is there really a difference between, biological depression, psychological depression and spiritual depression?

Presumably spiritual depression has spiritual roots and therefore spiritual remedies. But is it essentially different from psychological or biological depression? In other words, are spiritual depression caused primarily by spiritual sources which can only be dealth with spiritually? Some who think this way quote from, especially the Psalms in support of the premise that some form of depression is purely spiritual in nature and can only be dealt with spiritually. That may well be true.

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 3% [?]

I am a little jealous. Kind of. Just a little. Real Life Preacher went the whole course of medication for his depression and now seems to be squarely on the road to his recovery. He chronicled his story in four parts: Part 1 here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here, and Part 4 here. It’s a great read, ending in a nice resolution that makes you heave a sigh of relief for the Preacher.

My own story is a little more checkered. I found that I had been depressed almost my entire life, even though apparently, I didn’t know it, and apparently I was such a good actor that most people around me didn’t know either. However, my family knew something was wrong with me. There were those mood swings. Scratch that. Make that extreme mood swings. So, it came as no surprise, at least to my wife, that I was diagnosed as “borderline bipolar” (as I said before, whatever that means).

Interestingly, unlike RLP, I was prescribed the meds “with the slight risk of sexual side effects”

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 3% [?]

Previously, I blogged about my current jobless state and how it has rattled my cage.

I have been mostly silent about this whole process over here at my blog the last few days, but the emotional roller-coaster has been throwing me around, tossing me about and driving me nuts.

Last week was especially bad.

I had seemingly exhausted all known leads for possible job prospects and none had gone past the "phone-interview" phase.

In fact, by Tuesday I was almost convinced that I was truly unemployable and that I had to make some drastic decisions about my future and my family’s well-being.

And I mean drastic.

Drastic but ill-advised and possibly, dumb.

My logic was off-balanced by my depression, but even in that grasping-on-to-the-straws state, I hung on to the

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 3% [?]

Depression is still not widely understood and accepted in our society today. Some cultures (Asians, for instance) attach a stigma to it and this is believed to have been fatal in at least one case, but doubtlessly in many others as well.

For Christians, especially those of us who come from sub-cultures where "Victorious Christian Living" and "The Secrets of the Happy Christian Life" are seen as worthy ideals, being diagnosed as clinically depressed can be disheartening.

Already one is depressed for whatever reasons. Now, there is a silent accusation that one is either not trusting God enough or else there is something amiss with one’s spiritual walk. So if you are an Asian Christian for instance, you are twice doomed if you are mentally ill!

In order to counter these debilitating emotions, I suggest the following steps:

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 2% [?]