Psalm 42:6:

my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon-from Mount Mizar.

Actually, I woke up this morning feeling rather rested, which is surprising as I hardly slept at all last night. My current situation stem from recent events, mostly at work (you can read it here and here), and precipitated by my being fired, or as a friend so aptly puts it, released from an intolerable situation.

Because of many different reasons, I must find another position pretty soon, and I mean, really pretty soon.

Over the past couple of days, while outwardly seeming to be evenly keeled, I can’t help but feel this gloomy downcast spirit coming over me. Yet, this morning, while physically tired, I feel uplifted that God is an incredible God, mostly because I deliberately recall what He has done, and what I know about Him and have experienced about the life of faith. I may not feel it, I may feel fear and trepidation, but I choose to recall His grace, His power and His care and provision for me and my family.

Many times, our current situation, physically, emotionally or spiritually may be gloomy, but we can use the power of our memories to recall how faithful and awesome our God is. I can’t wait to go to church and worship with the rest of the congregation. I may be feeling vulnerable right now, but I know God has got me in His everlasting arms.

Psalm 42: 3-4:

My tears have been my food

day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

“Where is your God?”

4 These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng.

As you can see, I am still not asleep. Insomnia is a symptom of depression. Both of course can also be a sign of doubt, faithlessness and fear. I embrace them all. I admit I am really afraid of the what the future holds or not hold.

On the one hand, I chide myself, “O Soul, why are you downcast?“

On the other hand, I confess, “…and I shall yet praise Him, My Savior and My God!“

But, I just cannot help but feel the depression slipping in. Steathily but surely.

But before I sink too deeply into a debilitating despair, I want to confess my faith and trust in God, that He will lead and guide me in helping me find a company that will allow me to flourish and use the over twenty years of experience I have had in management, sales, marketing, business processes, and information technology, especially in customer relationship management, database marketing and sales force automation.

For reasons that I do not wish to disclose in this public forum, I must find a position quickly or there will be dire consequences too difficult to explain or contemplate.

I would like to spend a few moments thinking about the ideal company and the ideal position. The ideal company is one that places high values on ethics, individual performance as well as encourages collaborative teamwork. The ideal position will allow me to exploit the combination of my acute “technology-savvy-ness”and strong business acumen, as well as my passionate communication style with my strengths in customer facing situations.

Please pray with me, not so much that I get a position, any position, but that I sense in a deep way, the presence of God in my search for the next step.

I ask God for courage, for wisdom, for a clarity of purpose and for direction in where He is going to lead me and my family. Pray for growth, for transformation and for each of my children to learn afresh what it means to trust God. Pray that this lesson will remain with us and that we will be so transformed that we will not forget. Most of all, pray for opportunities for each member of my family to serve God and be channels of blessings. Pray especially for my daughter that she will return to her faith in God.